Our memories of love

Radhika double checked herself in the mirror. Her peacock blue salwar and a little bit of gradient blue and green, with blue shining chumkis, perfectly embroidered both on dupatta and salwar kameez, deep blue leggings and her high heels made her look dateable. She matched her bindi and jhumkas with her dress, as usual. Both were blue, which she shopped from shoppers point when she knew about her date one week ago. She preferred open hair then bun, as her hairs were curly. She smiled at her reflection on the mirror which completed her beauty.

She was ready for her date. It was her first date with Rajveer which was fixed by one of her maternal Aunt. She had properly dressed according to her taste. She checked the time. 5:00pm it showed. Still one hour to reach CCD, which was just thirty minutes from her place. She decides to leave, as she was aware of the traffic.

Leaving home

She texts Rajveer and booked her cab to CCD. Mobile app of the cab showed it was five minutes away from her pick up point.

Her phone rang. It was an unsaved number. But she recognized the number. The number she knew by heart. She was totally familiar with the ten digits. Last time she saw the number flashing on her mobile phone was three years ago. It did not bring smile on her face like it used to bring earlier. Rather it brought questions to her mind.

It was her ex-boyfriend Rohit. Few past moving pictures came to her mind. Before she could decide whether she should receive the call or let it ring for few more seconds, it got disconnected. She groomed her hair to make sure no one sees her anger.

Her phone rang again but this time Truecaller app showed it was Uber.

Fifteen minutes went and she did not receive any call. She kept on thinking all the way why he had called after three years. Last three years he never called. She remembered the last day when he received her call and shouted at her not to call again. Later he blocked her number. She kept on calling him from different numbers. But as soon as he hears her voice he cuts her call. She cried a lot for next few days. It was the most difficult phase of her life. She even thought of finishing her life. But her widow mother’s face stopped her from doing so. It took her three years to overcome from her childhood love.

Rohit and Radhika studied in the same school. Since class five they were good friends. By the time they reached high school, they were in love. Rohit went to Bangalore for job and Radhika joined a school in Kolkata as she did not want to leave her mother alone.

Long distance did affect their relationship. Rohit went clubbing and started smoking and drinking. Sometime it would go weeks without talking to Rohit. Slowly he stopped receiving her call. He blocked her in social media too. Depressed Radhika stopped going to school. Thanks to her friends who helped her to lead a normal life again. Her good character and special teaching styles helped her to get back her school job. She almost forgot her haunted past life, until today when Rohit called again.

Sudden brake of the cab brought her back from past memory. She paid the fare and opened the door to get down when she again received the call. She clicked the green button and made a serious tone which went with her expression too.

“Hello”, she said.

She could hear a breath.

“Hello”, she said again.

“Hello”

She heard him after three years. It was the same voice. But a little weak or may be too tired. She kept quite as she was not sure what to say.

“How are you?” He asked.

Her facial expression of I am the strongest one became I still miss you.

“I am doing well. What about you? What made you call me after so many years?” She sounded little pissed off. Like it was yesterday when he did not received her call and today he is calling her for some explanation.

She heard him exhaling. May be he was smiling. But still there was some difference in his sound.

“I am …” he started coughing and could not complete his sentence.

Her phone beeped while she was on the call. Rajveer was on waiting. She decided to receive the call. She wanted Rohit to stay on hold. May be she want to show she was busy in her life. There was some pride born in her that day.

“Hey where are you?” Rajveer asked.

“I am outside CCD. And you?”

“Come inside. You will see me at the last table.”

She disconnected the call. She found that Rohit has already disconnected the call. Lots of questions raised in her mind. Why did he call after so many days? And why did he sound so different? She did not bother calling him again. She has moved in her life.

With an absent mind she reached near the table where Rajveer was already sitting. She took the empty chair opposite to Rajveer. Rajveer was in his black tuxedo looking quite sharp. His attire was such that he could immediately go for a business meeting.

“You OK?”, Rajveer asked her with a weak smile.

“Yeah. Why?”

“You look disturbed”

“Just an old friend called.” She poured water on her glass and took a sip.

“When did you reach?” She continued.

 “Just few minutes before I called you” He replied. The answer did not satisfy him. But he did not asked her again as it might sound rude.

 She was still in her own thoughts.

“Shall we order something?” Rajveer suggested and forwarded the menu towards Radhika.

“Huh? Yeah sure” She started browsing through the menu and flipped through the pages. She stopped at Café Mocha, Rohit’s favorite.

She signaled the waiter for order who was already looking at them.

“One inverted cappuccino” She ordered the waiter.

“One Café Mocha.” ordered Rajveer.               

She was stunned and looked at his face. Was it all happening actually in her life? First Rohit’s call and now Rajveer ordering Rohit’s favorite drink.

“Anything else ma’am?” asked the waiter.

“No thanks”

The waiter left after taking the order.

She looked around the café. It was quiet atmosphere. Most of the seats were already occupied.

 “So how was your day?” Rajveer asked.

“Good. And your?”

There was an awkward silence between them. Soothing music was being played around the café. Most of the seats were occupied by couples. The lights were dimmed a little making perfect romantic environment.

Few seconds felt like minutes. Radhika felt the heaviness in the silence. She was swinging in between her past thoughts and the present sitting in front of her.

She gave a weak smile and asked, “How’s your work going?” she pushed few strands of hair behind her ear. Rajveer kept on looking at her eyes which was not fixed at a single place. Few time she checked her watch.

“Do you have some fixed time to reach home? I can drop you as soon as we complete our cup of coffee. I promise to gulp the hot coffee at once if I have to be quick.” He gave a fake laughter.

Radhika smiled back. A fake one though.

After exchanging fake smiles, fake laugh, fake presence of Radhika, storm of questions evolving in Rajveer’s mind, finally their coffee came. The waiter placed their coffee on table.

“Thanks” Said Rajveer, showing his politeness in his first date. Rajveer looked at Radhika who was absent minded and was about to take her sip.

“Are you sure you want to have that?” Rajveer asked.

Radhika checked her coffee. It was Café Mocha ordered by Rajveer. She remembered when she would take sip from Rohit’s coffee and then she would drink her cup of coffee. Though both Rohit and Radhika would order Café Mocha.

“Sorry.” She placed the coffee on table and forwarded towards Rajveer.

Rajveer stopped saying anything as he felt the awkwardness. He thought may be she was not interested in him. This would be their last date, he thought.

Rajveer phone rang. He checked the number. He immediately picked up the phone.

“Hello” This time Rajveer sounded serious, “What?” he sounded less surprised and more shocked. Rajveer glued the phone to his ear making sure he does not miss any words from the other side. He kept the phone after saying ok.

“Let’s go. I have to go to the hospital.” Rajveer did not wait for Radhika’s reply. He paid the bill at the counter leaving their coffee unfinished. Anyways she was not interested in him; he thought, it’s better to leave and make her free from the awkwardness.

“I will drop you as the hospital falls on the way to your home. I will drop you and then visit the hospital” Rajveer said. Radhika was seeing a serious face of Rajveer for the first time in the whole evening.

“What happened?” Radhika asked after they were five minutes away from the café and none of them spoke since they left the cafe.

Rajveer exhaled.

“Last Monday I was returning back from office at around 11pm. It was raining heavily. Due to late hour and heavy rain the traffic was less on road. After driving few miles, I saw a person lying on road. I stopped my car near him. First I thought maybe he had met with an accident but could not see any injury marks on his body. I took him to the hospital”

Rajveer slowed his car and took a left turn. Radhika kept on looking at him. She totally forgot about Rohit.

Rajveer continued, “I did all the paper works. Tests were done and waited till it was over. Doctor informed me that Rohit was suffering from brain tumor.”

The name gave a thud on Radhika’s heart. Was he the same Rohit? She thought. Hope it’s not him. She prayed inside that it’s not him. They were not together but still she wants him to stay happy and healthy.

“Rohit?” She asked Rajveer keeping her eyes on road. She did not want him to read her.

“Yes, his id card was with him and his name is Rohit.”

Rajveer took another turn.

“I want to see him”, said Radhika.

Rajveer halted the car. He did not mind spending some more time with Radhika, whether it is café or hospital.  Still he wanted to confirm.

“Are you sure you want to go to the hospital?”

“Yes, it is 7:15pm. I still have time. And mom knows I am with you so I guess there won’t be any issue even if I am a little late.”

Rajveer smiled after a long gap. He changed the gear and sped towards hospital.

Once they reached the hospital they directly went to the third floor where Rohit was admitted. Rajveer went inside the room. Radhika could not move her legs. She felt as if her legs were glued on the ground. Was she shaking or her head was spinning she was not sure. She holds one end of her dupatta and started twisting its end. It was her habit during anxiety. She slowly moved her steps towards the ward. She again stopped near the door. She could hear Rajveer speaking to someone. May be Rohit. May be with the doctor. She was not sure. She took a deep breath and without stopping she reached near the bed. Rajveer was talking with the doctor. They were holding some paper. Both of them looked at Radhika. She slowly moved near the patient bed. He was covered with a white bed sheet from head to toe.

“He is dead,” Rajveer said under his breath.

Few drops of tear came from Radhika’s eye. She removed the bed sheet from the face hoping it’s not him. It was more a skinny skeleton than a body. Stiches were visible on forehead. Head was totally shaved. His eyes were deep inside. Cheeks were sucked inside. His chin was more pointed due to loss of weight. It was Rohit, her Rohit, whom she loved whole heartedly since childhood. She felt like howling. The person, with whom she spent most of her childhood, was lying in front of her unmoved, dead. She wiped her tears which were not stopping. Radhika touched his lips which was totally dry and cold. It has turned bluish-black. He is never going to come back. She did wish to meet him once in life so that she could ask him why he left her. But she never expected to meet him in such condition.

“You have to come with me to do some formalities as we could not trace any of his family members.” Doctor said to Rajveer.

Rajveer looked at Radhika.

“You go. I will wait here” Radhika told Rajveer. She wanted to spend some more time with Rohit. Last time she met Rohit was when she dropped him at the airport while he was leaving for Bangalore. She did not know she was meeting him for the last time. If she knew, she would have hugged him a little longer, she would have captured his smile forever in her eyes. But she was too late now. And today she knows, she is seeing for the last time, dead.

“Excuse me”, a nurse entered the room. Radhika turned towards the nurse and nodded.

“Are you from his family?” asked the nurse.

“Yes” said Radhika after taking a pause.

Once she dreamt of being part of his family. Today she can become his family in a much unplanned situation.

“He wrote a letter and gave it to me. He asked me to give it to his family.” The nurse handed a paper to Radhika and left.

Should she open it? She thought. Seeing no one near her she unfolded the paper. She expected Rohit’s smell which she used to get while putting her head on his chest. But there was no smell of his. Rather there was a pungent smell much similar to the hospital.

She recognized Rohit’s handwriting. The handwriting was little different. It was by a weak Rohit. May be the disease made his handwriting changed too. Still she could say it was his..

Hey Radhika,

I don’t know whether you will get this letter or not, but a dead man’s belief says that you are reading it. You might have a lot of questions for me. The day I got to know I had brain tumor and I won’t live for longer time, I was totally broken. Doctor said the tumor was too big to operate. Still if I give them consign to operate then they would operate. But they could not guarantee my survival. I can survive for few years with proper diet and medication. I decided not to operate and spend the rest of life with my mother. I called her Bangalore. But maybe my fortune was not with me. I lost my mother on a road accident after few months. I was all alone. I was hospitalized after few months. It was during those days I ignored your call. Later I had to block you. Believe me blocking you was the most difficult thing I did in my life. My love never faked. I still love you. You have to believe this dying man, or already a dead man. I unblocked you sometime just to see you online. Whenever you changed your DP I saved it in my gallery. As somewhere I read, I owe the phone but you owe my gallery.  My phone gallery was filled with your photos. You photos and our past conversation gave me strength to live a little longer. Whenever you called from other number I knew it was you. I wanted it to be you. I just missed that voice. I cried a lot after disconnecting your call. I knew I was hurting you. But I had no other options left. I wanted you to move on. I hope you have moved on.

Hospital bills got too high for me. I took discharge and came back Kolkata last week. I knew I had very less time. I wanted to spend my last few days here where I could breathe the same air you were breathing. Few times I dialed your number and disconnected it. I did not have courage to call you.

You are my first and my last love. I know my Radhika. She is strong. I hope you will forgive me. I have always loved you and will always love you, even after my forever departure. Take care of yourself. I hope you will never hate me. I hope you will understand why I send you away from my life.

This pain won’t let me write more.

Bye.

Once Yours

Rohit

Tears were constantly flowing through her eyes. Rajveer came to the room.

“Are you ok?” asked Rajveer. Radhika wiped her tears. 

Our memories of love are enough for me to spend the rest of my life.

“Take me home” was all she could say.

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