Hallucination - IV

It was the second day in Hospital. Though Irfan was not unconscious but he was not discharged from hospital. His parents went home to refresh and bring dinner for him. Irfan was sleeping and Alok was sitting on visitors chair and reading a Novel.

“How’s his condition now?” Varun asked.

Alok bumped up as he did not notice when Varun entered the room.

“Umm.. Varun. Hi, I did not notice you coming. He has been sleeping for,” Alok checked his watch, “Three hours.”

“Great, so we can wake him up.”

Before Alok could understand anything the door of the room opened slowly. Alok was shocked when he saw the person entering the room. His eyes were widening. It was Chavvi.

“Where? How? I mean where did you find her?” Alok was curious to know.

“I will explain everything. First let’s get some fresh air.”

Both of them left the room. Alok widen eye was fixed at her face when he left the room.

Chavvi stood near Irfan who was sleeping peacefully like a baby. She took her time to watch calm face of Irfan. She doesn’t even remember when the last time she saw him in peace. Last time they met, both were fighting with their un expressed emotions.

She bent slightly and moved her hand through his hair.

“Babu” She called him slowly. It was the nick name they used to call each other. She called again, flowing her hand gently through his hair.  Irfan opened his eye. It took him fraction of seconds to realize she was standing in front him.

For Irfan Chavvi never left him. She was with him, though it was his Hallucination.

Irfan tried to get up. But due to his weakness he could not lift his body. Chavvi helped him to lean on the bed.

“Hey, Don’t worry I am fine.” Irfan gave a half smiled.

“I know. You are my strong Babu.” Chavvi looked into his eyes and smiled.

She wondered what his condition has become after she left him. Varun already informed her about Irfan’s condition and his hallucination.

“Want to have some soup?” Chavvi already took out the flask where she brought their favorite Mon chow soup from their common meeting point restaurant 4-season. She poured in a bowl and fed Irfan with spoon.

“Do you remember the first time we went their?” Chavvi blew air to cool down the soup so it does not burn his tongue.

“Yeah!. During our college orientation,” Irfan swallowed down the soup. Few drops did not make its way to his stomach and were flowing through his lips. Chavvi took her scarf and wiped it.

“Yes” she concentrated on the next spoon of soup.

She looked worried.

“All ok?” Irfan asked.

Till the last drop of soup she did not say anything.

“And do you remember the last time we went their?” She asked.

Irfan’s smile vanished. As if it was just yesterday when they were sitting in 4-season where she told him about her marriage.

“What is today’s date?” Irfan Stood up.

Chavvi tried to make him sit. But he refused.

“You tell me date” Irfan’s face became red.

“It’s 12^th of January, 2019” Chavvi replied.

Everything flash back in his mind. How she informed him about her decision. It was the decision which both of them agreed but she moved on and he was still struggling with his feelings. Was it really that easy for her to move on? This question haunted him and brought him to the condition that he was facing.

“So I was unaware of all this days?” Irfan was curious to know what happened to him.

He sat on his bed. Fighting to hold back his tear.

“Have I become insane?” Irfan looked down.

“No, no...” she came near him and holds his face.

She told him all in details. How he ended up in hospital.

Irfan covered his face with both his hand. Tears could find way between his fingers. Chavvi went near him and hold his hand. She let him cry.

She thought of hugging him.

“How? How was it possible for you to forget everything easily?” Irfan asked. His tears were not stopping. A lump formed in Chavvi’s throat. Words were not coming out from her vocal chords. But today she decided to be strong and face him, not for her but for him. That’s how he will be cured. She cleared her throat.

“It was not easy for me too babu.” She bent and holds his face.

She lifts his face and looked into his eyes.

“Then why you blocked me everywhere? Not only in social media, you blocked me from your life too.”

“It’s not that. You are getting me wrong. ”

“Then tell me what’s right.” Irfan got up and went near the chair.

Chavvi stood in her place and gained courage to speak up, “I had no choice left. Either I had to be with you or I had to be with my parents. How could I leave my parents for someone whom I knew only for two years? And leave them who spent day and night to raise me and give me a life I deserve. Now the it was my time to repay them back.”

“But you said you felt like we know each other since ages. We were happy together” Irfan rushed near her.

“Yes I did feet it. You are still precious for me. I have preserved all those memories that I have spent with you in my heart. Those moments I will cherish forever in my heart till my death. No one can take away those moments from me. Even for me it was difficult to avoid you. No doubt I was surrounded with people who helped me to move on. I missed you. I missed us. I missed everything about us. Thousand times a day I stopped myself to call you. It did hurt me too.” Chavvi paused and took few steps towards Irfan, “But that’s not how things work.”

She went a little closer towards him. If t were earlier days, they would have end up with a hug. But time changed.

“You must move on. I don’t want you to see you like this, Broken.”

“It’s not easy for me. Please come back. We will look after your parents. They will be my parents too. Whatever you say I will do, but please stay with me.” Irfan pleaded. Emotions were flowing in the form of tear form his eyes. Someone said once, tears are made up of 1% water and 99% emotions.

“We will be happy again. Yes I agreed to move on and accept the reality. But look at me I am still your old babu” he was about to hug her. But she stopped him.

Chavvi was in tear too, “But there’s one more thing you need to accept now.” She wiped her tear and looked away.

“I am married now. I am someone else wife”

Irfan felt as if lighting has struck him. He remembered about her engagement. He was stun.

“I have a different world now. I am someone’s wife, someone’s a daughter-in-law. I have my own responsibilities now. I need to fulfill certain unspoken demands. I need to stand in their expectations. I can’t let my parents down. My father was always proud of me. He would never get tiered of giving my examples to our younger siblings. He would say My Chavvi would never defame me.” She paused aging, “Now you tell me after all this how I could come back to you? Would feel good if someone points at your Chavvi? I could not hurt so many people for one person.”

“So you decide to hurt me for everyone?” Irfan got annoyed.

Chavvi kept silent.

“During your bad time I was with you. I never left you alone. You left me alone. Look at me how I have become. I have lost myself. ” Irfan broke down again.

Chavvi wiped her tears, “Have you seen your parents? Have you seen Alok? You are thinking aonly about yourself. You are not thinking about other people.”

“Yes I am thinking about myself. You can all me selfish. I am not thinking about anyone. I don’t want to think about anyone else.” Irfan threw the bowl Chavvi had brought.

A nurse came running into the room. But Chavvi signaled her everything was okay.

“Would you be happy if I come back to your life?” Chavvi asked getting annoyed this time.

“Yes I will.” He replied instantly.

“Will you be happy if I cry day and night missing my parents and all other people who has hopes on me?”

Irfan kept silent.

“Alok did not went to work for many days. He has been looking after your parents. Something which you should be doing is done by him. For how long he will look after you? Even he has a life. He cannot be with you all the time.” Chavvi looked into his eyes.

“Not for other at least for me? Please” She pleaded with folded hands, “Seeing you in such condition hurt me more. Neither I can come back to your life nor can I move with my present life.”

Irfan nodded.

“Once you called I am your reason for your smile. Think about those moments and please move on”

Irfan wiped his tears. He was not ready at that moment to say promise anything. Chavvi did all that she could do to make him understand.

Some time it is harder to accept the reality and let it go. But you are left no other options. You need to let it go. Life is never fair to anyone. It will test you; break you and give you chance to stand again. Whatever you do, life goes on. Sometimes it becomes confusing, weather it is difficult spent lonely nights or haunting past memories. When a person becomes your daily habit and suddenly there is an emptiness of that person, it becomes difficult to move on instantly with life. But as said, life goes on.

Since that day Irfan never had any hallucination about her. Neither had he stopped missing her. Sometimes her memories would haunt him again. But Alok would be near him whenever he needs him.

How did Dr. Varun found her? Well that’s the doctor with whom she was engaged.